Do you know what a pathological relationship is but you don’t know if your relationship is healthy? Discover the traits that make the relationship a healthy relationship.
We are more than informed about what a pathological relationship is, but how do we know if what we have is a healthy relationship? Here are some clues about the health of a relationship.
It seems obvious, if I don’t have a problematic relationship, then I have a healthy relationship. What happens is that many times we get out of relationships that were very difficult and sometimes by comparison we “settle” with what we have now. Phrases like: “at least he wants to meet me”, “at least he values me” … We value what we have based on the comparison with the above instead of comparing ourselves with our own criteria.
Therefore, the first step to have a healthy relationship is: listen to our own criteria, what do I need in a relationship and assess whether what the partner gives me is enough.
What other traits characterize a healthy relationship?
1. Each member of the couple takes responsibility for their own happiness and does not leave it in the hands of the couple. In order for you to have a healthy relationship, you must first love and value yourself. If you underestimate, blame or depend on your partner, the relationship cannot be equal, one of the two members of the couple will carry the weight of the relationship and that makes it a pathological relationship.
2. Good communication and balance are key. Active listening and empathy are fundamental traits for a healthy relationship. It is important to understand the other’s point of view even if we disagree, in addition to trying to understand why they act the way they do. At this point it is important to be flexible, tolerant and aim to find agreements to be on “the same side.”
3. Assertiveness and sincerity are important points. Many times in relationships there is a tendency to believe that if the other person knows you, they will know what you think. That is one of the great mistakes in relationships. Nobody can know what you are thinking 100% or what you think about things. If something bothers you, say so, do not wait for the other to guess. Many times this type of thinking generates serious discussions and dynamics. Of course, you have to try to defend your own opinion and criteria without offending or despising the other person. You can be sincere without hurting.
4. Trust is an indispensable element. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship if you do not trust your partner. It is very important to believe in the other accepting as he is and to lean on him when you need it. Likewise, you too have to be his crutch when he’s lame. Giving him the vote of confidence and believing is one of the best signs of health in the relationship. Here we obviously include the theme of jealousy. It is inevitable to feel some jealousy, but you have to trust that the person is not going to betray you in order to have a good relationship; if you are not selling the fur before you kill the bear.
5. Live in the present and keep an eye on the present moment. There is no use focusing on past mistakes. A healthy relationship is not necessarily one in which there is no discussion or serious problems. For example, you can have a healthy relationship after having infidelity; yes, for this it is very important to have regained trust in the other and have forgiven. In healthy relationships there are no reproaches from the past nor do you live permanently with the fear of when the other person will fail me again. They trust each other and live the present together.
6. Have realistic expectations of your partner. If your partner is a mistake, do not expect him to remember exactly what you do remember. Try to understand what the other person is like and adapt to what they can provide you. Let’s not ask the elm for pears. It is important to assess whether what you ask him to give in the relationship he can provide. The objective is not to build a “tailor-made” partner with what you have encountered along the way, but to accept how your partner is and ask him for what you need as long as it is not demanding too much from him. I’ll explain it with an analogy: if you buy a sofa but you don’t like it, you can upholster it or put some cushions on it, but if what you do is saw it and make a sofa with it, you upholster it and put a chaise longue on it, you have modified so much its structure that has nothing to do with the original. For that, It is almost better if you buy a chair directly. Well that is what happens to many people who try to change their partner so much that they lose their essence. It is one thing to conform to the other and quite another thing is to change who he is.
7. Each of the members has to take care of their individuality. This point is very, very important. It is essential that each member of the couple feels that they can be happy independently of the other. It is not good to give yourself completely or to expect the other to give everything for yourself. If you don’t know how to do something, learn instead of waiting for your partner to solve the ballot for you. Thus, it is also important to take care of social relationships, family, own hobbies … that is, everything that gives you identity as being independent in parallel to taking care of your relationship.
8. Both people value the relationship and want to be in it because they want to and not because they need it. In other words, a healthy relationship is one that does not involve codependency. You are not with the other out of necessity but for pleasure. In other words: the other does not give you what you lack. You are a complete being regardless of your partner but it does bring you an extra happiness.
Having said this, it is necessary to consider what points you meet and what points you don’t. If there are any that you do not comply with, get to work. If there are several or you do not know how to fix it, consult a psychologist. We can help you solve these problems.