The self-esteemor love yourself means the unconditional and complete acceptance of who you are, respecting yourself and being yourself, because as you are, you are perfect. The problem arises since most of the people do not know how to do this.
We have not received emotional education. Since we were little, they have constantly conditioned us and instilled in us a series of beliefs and values to fulfill in order to feel that we deserve to be loved and accepted. Throughout our lives we have internalized a lot of “shoulds” that are almost impossible to satisfy and that only lead us to internal conflicts, to feelings of guilt, to feeling failed, to not allow ourselves to be who we are. We continually crush ourselves and suffer wanting to prove to be that someone who has told us that we have to be and we are not, all to deserve the affection and approval of others.
Such is the weight of the pain that we carry inside that unconsciously we try to hide everything that we do not accept about ourselves in our way of relating to others. One way of realizing this is that when we criticize, make judgments or do not bear some aspect in others, we are talking about ourselves, aspects that we do not accept in ourselves. It’s what we’ve learned, but we can change and evolve as you begin to learn to love yourself.
What does it mean to love yourself?
Loving oneself or loving oneself is an act that requires valuing one’s own happiness and your own well-being. In this way, learning to love yourself implies accepting yourself, which means having support, care and compassion for yourself. So much so that to value ourselves we must take responsibility to satisfy personal needs and allow thought without prejudice of our defects and virtues. Therefore, to have a love for ourselves we must start from the basis that we are good, valuable and deserving of happiness just to exist. We don’t need to be perfect to learn to love ourselves.
People who find it difficult to love themselves tend to have certain barriers that make it difficult for them to experience compassion or love for themselves. So much so, that in everyday jargon the word is used self-esteem easily, but getting to feel it is not an easy way. To love and accept yourself you first have to know yourself well. This process implies being aware of all your aspects, of all the internal conflicts that you have been dragging on and being attentive to your needs. You need to look inward and honestly acknowledge all your emotions.
It is not just a saying but a logical reality that to truly love other people it is essential to love yourself; Otherwise, you will look for the love that you do not give to yourself in other people, thus building attached and dependent relationships, which inevitably lead to suffering. Only if you accept yourself can you relate to others in a sharing with respect, freedom and acceptance. To achieve this it is necessary to be able to be with oneself, in loneliness but without feeling alone.
How to love yourself?
In order to love oneself, we must take into account what our self-esteem problems are and why they arise. In this way, in order to learn to love oneself, we must know ourselves and know what stops us from being able to experience self-love. According to psychologists we can follow the following indications.
1. Analyze your situation
The first step to start loving yourself is to realize it, observe yourself, look inside yourself and love yourself that way, let go of all the “shoulds” and free yourself from all the conditioning factors. Then there are no more locks or conflicts that prevent being yourself and living incoherence. To know how to strengthen self-esteem to learn to love yourself, you must take in consideration what your situation is and how you can solve it through your own emotional tools.
2. Learn to be compassionate
Compassion is the key to taking care of yourself and loving yourself. In this way, we must eliminate critical internal dialogue and those negative thoughts that hold us back towards our personal evolution. In order to achieve this, we can treat ourselves on certain occasions as if it were a family member or friend.
3. Enjoy your alone time
To value yourself and learn to love yourself, you should try to spend more time with yourself. If you are looking to know how to learn to love me, you should know that loneliness and rediscovering yourself is one of the main keys. You can save some time alone during the week and try to take advantage of it to inspect yourself.
4. Create a list of everything you really like about yourself.
Too often we end up thinking about those parts of ourselves that we don’t like. Self-love has to do with trying to discover what we really shine at and empowering this side. This does not mean that we have to forget our defects but simply to try to reinforce our positive side. To love yourself the key is to be aware of who we are, accept it and constantly evolve towards our best version.
5. Celebrate your achievements
To learn to love yourself, it is essential to celebrate each of the achievements that we achieve in our day to day life. To love yourself / feel the success of any of our small goals will be without a doubt more than crucial. In this way, we recognize ourselves for our efforts and positive qualities.
6. Set your limits
Can say ‘no ‘to others is also a way of loving oneself. On many occasions, people who need to increase their self-esteem find themselves being too permissive towards others. To be able to solve this initiation and start having love for yourself, you can reflect before saying yes.
7. Be aware of your surroundings
Sometimes the people around you can influence you to learn to love yourself. For this reason, to value yourself it is essential to try to surround yourself with positive friends and family who make you shine your best version. You should dedicate as much time as possible to doing those things that you enjoy and being close to those people who make you happy.
Learning to love yourself requires great effort and dedication. That is why you may need help during this process. In these cases, you can always go to a professional psychologist to be able to have the love of yourself that you need so much.
When you learn to love yourself, you accept yourself, you dare to be who you are, you lose the fear of losing, you take responsibility for your life and you discover all the potential that you carry within.